Basil Shadid edited an excellent little book entitled “On The Road To Healing: An Anthology For Men Ending Sexism” he included multiple questions under the heading Getting To Know Yourself: An Exercise For Men. Of course the questions work for men, women, and everyone in between who may be interested in exploring their own personal thoughts and feelings and how those interplay with social roles. Some of his questions I would ask differently, but I found most of them to be brilliantly dead-on. I’m including his questions that are specifically about sex (there are separate ones about intimacy and sexuality), because I find myself asking clients to consider how they would define these in their own lives. They often hadn’t thought about these answers before and we discover something new.
And you may have the same response.
1) What is your definition of sex?
2) What are two other possible definitions of sex?
3) Are you comfortable talking about sex with others?
4) Who initiates most of the sex you have, you or your partner(s)? Why?
5) What are some of the things you like doing while having sex?
6) Name at least three ways to pay attention to your partner’s body language during sex.
7) How do you know when you want to have sex?
8) How much do you and your partner(s) communicate during sex? How does it feel?
9) Do you practice safer sex? Why or why not?