Hey there, fancy doctor lady!
Got a question for ya. I dig my sex toys. Like a lot. Am I gonna start over relying on them? Are they gonna ruin me for regular sex? I don’t wanna break my junk…HELP!
Hey there back atcha, my Babe in Toyland!
Short answer? Nah, you cool. Toy play away!
Longer answer? This is a really common question I get. You are not alone in your concern. So let’s talk about what toys do and don’t do and how all that fits into the context of a healthy sex life. Sex toys provide stimulation and sensation: Vibration, movement, warmth, etc. All the stuff we create for each other and ourselves for the purpose of sexual pleasure. And yes, sex toys can provide a more intensive version of those sensations for sure. But that isn’t gonna BREAK anything.
You called it “regular” sex, but which I think you mean sexual activity, with a partner or not, that doesn’t involve any accoutrement. Just whatever body parts you might be using. Think of it this way: You can walk to the store or drive, right? If you walk it might take you awhile longer but you’re still gonna get there. Walking has its benefits. You slow down, you connect to the world around you, you enjoy the view. Walking can be a ton of fun. But sometimes you just need to run into H-E-B and grab a bag of chips before the party, you know? Nothing wrong with driving, is there?
So the other question you may have is “what if walking ISN’T getting me there and I only get the chips from H-E-B if I drive?”
That totally does NOT make you broken, Babe. It just means you need more stimulation than other people. The toy didn’t create that, that’s just how you’re wired down there.
If that kind of bums you out, the question I would ask is what exactly does the driving do for you that the walking doesn’t? For example, if you are a clitoris-having person, you may have a clitoral hood that blocks a lot of sensation. The toy provides the extra sensation you need to get the job done. And you might be able to get a similar effect if you or your partner push back your clitoral hood during sex. Some people also have that hood pierced so the piercing provides the stimulation and some people have a clitoral hood reduction if it’s really getting in the way.
So a toy may be solving a problem you didn’t really know existed until you investigate a bit further.
So many people born with penii have had circumcisions (or at least gotten decent information about pushing back their foreskin for stimulation) that it’s less an issue. But it can show up in other places, too. Maybe your g-spot (which are not limited to vagina-having people, BTW!) is getting stimulated in just the right way by a certain toy, and that can be replicated with yours or your partners fingers (finding the G spot should be its own article, but in the meantime you can use your Google Fu). Or maybe it’s your perinium (taint, durf, gooch, etc….and yes, the perineum is not limited to penis-having people) that is getting hit the right way.
Pay attention to what the toy is actually doing for you, not just the final outcome. Erm, bag of chips. Whatever.
Toys can be lifesavers for both solo and partnered sex, PERIOD. And are nothing to be ashamed about. Some people have mobility issues that would make masturbation impossible without them. Sometimes toys allow people to participate in sex in a way they couldn’t otherwise. Individuals who struggle to maintain an erection, might find using a hollow core strap helpful in still allowing them penetrative intercourse with their partner.
Sometimes toys allow people to be authentically who they are. A traditional strap-on can allow someone to participate in penetrative intercourse if they don’t have a penis, for example. Another great example of the market catching up to the need is Buck Angel’s new Buck-Off, an FTM stroker which was designed specifically to allow transmen the stroking sensation that other men enjoy, while taking into account that they have larger genitilia due to gender confirmation hormone treatment.
In short? Sex toys are meant to enhance, not replace. And technology is letting many of us experience the sexual pleasure that we wouldn’t have access to otherwise. You interested in going to explore? We have many awesome shops in town. I teach classes at The Love Shack Boutique, and it’s no state secret that it’s my favorite (and Current readers seem to agree, the store has won as many “best of” titles as the Spurs!). If you head out in that direction, mention you read this article. Amy and her crew will give you 20% off your purchase. SCHWING!
Because doesn’t everyone deserves to be all that AND a bag of chips?