Dear Intimacy Dr.: Heyyy, so I'm at a conference with my good friend, and randomly she got a dick pic sent by text. It's a wrong number. Still.. ewww. So doc, what's the deal with dick pics? Why do guys think any woman is going to enjoy this???
Some ladies out there do love a good ween photo. And that’s cool. Most of us ladies who like the penis-havers far prefer the IRL experience during sexitimes, rather than a photo popping up (I SAID POPPING UP! GET IT???? YOU SO GOT IT!) when they are sitting in a staff meeting at work.
I like dick in context only. Sounds like you and your friend are with me on this.
So why soooo many dick pics out there? All kinds of reasons, actually. Not every guy out there is in power-over dominance mode with the women in their lives, like Louis C.K.
Most of us appreciate some good visual stimulation (after all, they show endangered species porn in zoos to encourage mating, both their own species and even human porn) and see it is a display of the tail feathers, just like the showmanship of a male pea-cock (YOU SO GOT THIS ONE TOO, RIGHT?).
Grindr is full of dick pics, after all. Men who dig dick also seem to dig dick pics…at least at higher numbers than their female counterparts. Men are also far more likely to feel comfortable in that kind of exchange...at least that’s what personal experience has told me.
I think the problem is, so many women don’t feel safe in saying “Dude. No.” if sent an unsolicited photo. And we unintentionally give the message of “Dude! Yasss!” when we don’t.
Or as my friend Mark chimed in:
It’s like the guy is the cat bringing the dead bird and no owner is never happy to see that and does not want it. Men get a clue, NO ONE WANTS TO SEE YOUR DEAD BIRD!
My Dudes and other Penis-Havers? So many women have been socialized to not throw down a hellnaw when they need to. Setting a boundary does not always feel safe for us. Even if you are an excellent boundary respecter and we would be entirely safe with YOU, we may not know that based on past experiences of having our boundaries NOT respected. And it might seem easier to just politely accept a dick pic then end up with a death threat. Or actually dead. And that shit happens.
So ask. And ask nicely. And ask in a way that lets us know we are safe with saying “No thank you!” and being respected. Like “Hey, I know unsolicited dick pics are the bane of most women everywhere, but some women don’t mind seeing a wee bit o’ peen when in the flirt zone. Do you dig such shenanigans or would you rather see pictures of tacos and panda bears? Or panda bears eating tacos? Do panda bears even eat tacos? If not, how do we convince them that they should?”
Perv with respect, y’all. We thank you for your support.
P.S. I know you didn’t ask how to respond to that kind of text message but I still use the line my dad taught me to throw out when I was 16. “Hey! That looks just like a penis! Only smaller!” Buddha bless feminist fathers!